No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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