mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
