If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
