would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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