youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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