Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to calm my uterus...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
