I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
