I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
