You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
