Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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