Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
