so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
