Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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