I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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