You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
