is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
