ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
