Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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