idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
