I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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