just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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