I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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