I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
