I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
