Kiss
Puke
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize