She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
