I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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