I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
