i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
