If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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