You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry about my life...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
