I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
