You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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