im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
