I'm really into asian looking animals
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
