Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
