Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
