Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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