All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
