My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
