At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
