thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
