I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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