I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
