A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
