i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
