I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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