drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
