It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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