so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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