What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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