Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
