new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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