OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
