where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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