question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We had to coat check the pizza.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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