I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
