Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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