I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
