i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
