considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
