My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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