Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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