dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
